September 1st, 1989
Dear diary

I believe I'm a good person
You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but
Here we are! First day of senior year! And uh
I look around at these kids that I've known all my life
And I ask myself: What happened?

(Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!)
We were so tiny
Happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
(Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!)

Singing and clapping
Laughing and napping
Baking cookies
Eating paste
(Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!)

Then we got bigger
That was the trigger
Like the huns invading rome
(Oh, sorry!)
Welcome to my school
This ain't no high school
This is the thunderdome

Hold your breath and count the days
We're graduating soon
(White trash!)
College will be paradise
If I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know
Life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray
For a better way

If we changed back then
We could change again
We can be beautiful
(Ow!) Just not today

Hey, are you okay?
(Get away, nerd)
Oh, okay

(Freak! Slut! Cripple!)
(Homo! Homo! Homo!)

Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town

Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky french cafés
(Watch it!)
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
(Ooooops)

Ram sweeney
Third year as linebacker and eighth year
Of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick
(What did you say to me, skank?)
Aah, nothing!

But I know, I know (I know, I know)
Life can be beautiful (beautiful)
I pray, I pray (I pray, I pray)
For a better way (for a better way)

We were kind before (oooh)
We can be kind once more (oooh)
We can be beautiful
(Oooh, beautiful)

Agh! Hey, Martha
(Hey)

Martha Dunnstock
My best friend since diapers

(We on for movie night?)
Yeah, you're on jiffy pop detail
(I rented The Princess Bride)
Ho-ho-ho, again?
Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
(What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending)

Martha Dumptruck!
Wide load!

Kurt Kelly, quarterback
He is the smartest guy on the football team
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
(Alright!)

Hey! Pick that up! Right now!
(I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?)
Yes, I am
I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen
A future gas station attendant
(You have a zit right there)

Dear diary

Why
(Why do they hate me?)
(Why don’t I fight back?)
(Why do I act like such a creep?)

Why
(Why won’t he date me?)
(Why did I hit him?)
(Why do I cry myself to sleep?)

Why
(Somebody hug me!)
(Somebody fix me!)
(Somebody save me!)

(Send me a sign, God!)
(Give me some hope, here!)
(Something to live for!)

(Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!)
And then there's the Heathers
They float above it all
(I love Heather, Heather, and Heather)

(I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather)
Heather McNamara
Head cheerleader, her dad is loaded
He sells engagement rings

(I want Heather, Heather, and Heather)
Heather Duke
Runs the yearbook, no discernible personality
But her mom did pay for implants

(I need Heather, Heather)
And Heather Chandler
The almighty
She is a mythic bitch

They're solid teflon
Never bothered
Never harassed
I would give anything to be like that

(Mmm)
I'd like to be their boyfriend
(That would be beautiful, mmm)
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me
(So beautiful, oooh)
I'd like them to be nicer
(That would be beautiful, ooh)
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked
In an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats

Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87
Maybe you should see a doctor, heather
Yeah, Heather, maybe I should

Ah, Heather and Heather
And Heather
Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting
You're late for class

(Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her)
Not without a hall pass, you're not, week's detention
Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass
Yearbook committee
I see you're all listed
Hurry up and get where you're going

(This is an excellent forgery, who are you?)
Uh, Veronica sawyer, I crave a boon
(What boon?)
Hmm, let me sit at your table, at lunch
Just once, no talking necessary
If people think that you guys tolerate me
Then they'll leave me alone

Before you answer
I also do report cards
Permission slips
And absence notes

How about prescriptions?
Shut up, Heather
Sorry, Heather

For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure
And a symmetrical face
If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull
I'd have matching halves
That's very important
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds

And ya know, ya know, ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way

Get this girl some blush
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful
Let's make her beautiful
Let's make her beautiful
Make her beautiful
(Okay?)
Okay!

Out of my way, geek!
(I don't want trouble)

You're gonna die at 3PM!
(Don't you dare touch me!)
(Get away, pervert!)
(What did I ever do to them?)

Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!

Who's that with Heather?

Whoa!
(Heather, Heather, Heather)
And someone!
(Heather, Heather, Heather)
And a babe!
(Heather, Heather, Heather)
Veronica?!
(Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?)

And you know, you know, you know (oooh!)
Life can be beautiful (aah! Beautiful!)
You hope, you dream, you pray (oooh!)
And you get your way (aah!)

Ask me how it feels (beautiful!)
Lookin' like hell on wheels (ooohhhh!)
My God, it's beautiful (aaahhh! Beautiful!)
I might be beautiful (beautiful!)
And when you're beautiful (aaah!)
It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!